I fell in Love, With The Love of my Life..

Alright. So I'm back home from Franko's ranch, and this year, I really learned something about myself.

Every year I go up there, and I mean, I love to dance. I don't stop dancing 'till the music goes off, but being around all of the cowboys makes me miss my little American dream.

Let me paint the picture for you.

there's a boy, I've been on and off with since I was 14, he's a cowboy, and everything I could ever want, if I was chasing a life in America.

I still miss him a lot of the time, but I am chasing Africa.

I'm chasing all the dreams I've ever had and I know he is amazing, but even he's said if I move to Africa, he will move on.

But anyways, I always get up there with everyone and I get swept up in the country music and I always convince myself that I miss him so much that I need to call him when I get service when I get back to Belen, and that would be such a great idea, and I did, but I realized I don't need him to love me again.

I found a new love.

I fell in love with a God that is so beautiful, and moves in so many different ways and always has his little hands moving here in my life.

I fell in love with a God who allows me to fall in love with everyone I see, and he allows me to give myself to so many different people, and so many different people fill me back up again and again after I pour myself out over and over again for those around me.

I fell in love with a God who took a broken, sick, hurt, cut up soul and loved it so much that the scars, and bruises don't matter, and no one has to see that anymore.

I fell in love with a God who loves me so much, and chases my affections so much that there will never be a place that I can run to to escape his love.

I fell in love with a God, who never gives up on me. And never wonders why I'm still single, and why I won't date anyone.

I fell in love, with the love of my life.
And I've never felt so joyful.

Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
9.29.13.

Finding My Calling..

Have you ever had a moment in your life, when God says, "It's time."
And heaven opens up, and your answer to a question you weren't sure you had is right there in front of you? ...No?... Well, I guess that's not really what happened to me today. At least, that's not how I would explain the intensity of it.

I was walking out of math, around 4:15, just an ordinary Thursday.
And I had on a long flowey skirt that made me want to be in Africa, and I parked at the back of the south lot so I could enjoy my walk to my car, and call it God, or fate, or whatever you want to call it;

But I could not get the statistic that only around 1% of African girls ever get to go to college.

It just wouldn't quit.

And I was thinking about how much I really do enjoy college. It's fun, and I've learned so much about myself, and the people I surround myself with, and my future, and it was like God was saying, "Here you go. This is it. This is the reason I put you on this earth Dorothy. Listen to me you bone head! (Okay, I may have added that in myself.)

And I guess this is divine intervention, because lately, I've been really thinking about girls.
Sexism. Biases. Jokes, and just things that put girls in a box.

I've never been a feminist. In fact, they scare me. I grew up with men, I'm used to men, but something about the fact that only 1% of African girls even get the choice to go to college, made me mad.

And not American Mad.
And what I mean by American Mad is something I've noticed here in America.

We see things like genocide, mutilation, LRA, people killing their own people, girls in china just thrown to the side, and we think, "Holy crap!!! That sucks! Someone really needs to do something about that."

And then, we go back to dinner. Two and a Half Men is so much more important that those people who have no hope.

But it was God. And it was real. And I have no idea how I'm going to do it.

But I think God just showed me my calling...

Who knows, maybe we'll change the world.

Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
9.26.13.

A Letter to My Parents..

I write a lot of things, but I don't often write to or about my parents.
I think about them a lot. When I was going to Haiti, I had to stay the night in a Ft. Lauderdale hotel that was freezing, and even though I hadn't slept the night before, and even though my flight had landed after mid-night, and we had to get up at like 5 a.m. to go back to the airport;
I still insisted on staying up to re-pack my bag.
So I did, and in about the middle of my bag there were two letters.
One from my mom, and one from dad.
The one from mom talked about how proud my grandmother would be, and how proud she is of me.
The one from dad talked about being proud, and how people I meet will remember the young American girl who came to love.

I don't want to be a parent.  ever.
I mean, I don't want to have my own kids. I really don't.
I'm starting to realize, the call Paul made to stay single and go into the world, is one I have received.

But anyway, my parents are different.
I mean, I was a weird kid. I was crazy shy, then I was a star-student and athlete, then I was depressed and suicidal, then I was a party girl, then I decided I want to be a full-time missionary and leave America.
Okay, well, in my defense, I always knew I wanted to live in Africa, but I don't think it was ever really that serious until I went to Ecuador.
But anyway, I mean, how would you handle that as a parent?!

How would you feel knowing your child finally got better, and wasn't wanting to die every day, and now she wants to move somewhere where she might be killed any day?
I don't know. They're stronger than I am!

I don't ever want to be a parent, at least, not having my own biological kids.

I don't have a lot of words to give to my parents to say how greatful I am that they didn't raise me like my friends parents did, cause it would have never worked..

But I just want my parents to know and to remember, that wherever I may be, and wherever I may go, I will always be theirs.

Peace to you today,
Dorothy.
9.17.13

I'm Going to Rwanda!

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.." or something of that nature.
well, I guess it's announcement time.
I am going to Rwanda alone.
there is no group going with me, and I am 18 and I have made my decision.
I am really excited, and I get to spend over 26 hours (not including layovers) in like 6 planes going to places I've never heard of.
I get to live my future, and I get to finally see Africa.
I get to see my future right in front of me.
Going alone, I get to customize my trip, and I have decided to spend as much time with Twizreimana as possible.
I get to go to her village and spend time with her and her family and friends, and have a meal with them in their home, and see where she gets her aids medicine, and where she goes to school, and I have never been more excited to go anywhere in my entire life.
this is what I have been working towards forever(:

So now I'm fundraising! Selling t-shirts, and working towards my goal! once I raise enough money to go I can call Compassion Intl. and start scheduling when I can leave!(:
So stay tuned, cause more is a'comin!!(:

Peace to you today,
Dorothy.
9.16.13