While I write this I am listening to a fabulous new song called Budapest by George Ezra. I strongly recomend it for everyone to listen to. It just makes me want to dance and remember all the places I've been so far in my life. (:
Okay, so now that I got my advertizing out of the way, down to the nitty gritty.
I guess the best way to say this is to take you back to Spring semester of my freshman year of high school in about early February. I just got with my first boyfriend, and when I say that I mean my first real boyfriend. We went out on dates, to dinner, and did a lot of things over the course of our twisted relationship that I am not very proud of. Pretty soon he started to be really mean, and everyone who I had become friends with for him started to hate me and he started to tell me not to hang out with my friends, and not to play volleyball, and to die my hair black, and wear more makeup and the strangest thing was that I did.
He introduced me to my worst enemy one day telling me that when I get upset I need to get alone and by cutting myself I would feel better and it was a bad idea to tell anyone how I felt. When I felt fat, he showed me how to make myself throw up. When I couldn't sleep, he would get me pills to make me sleep but I was too stupid to monitor them myself so I could only have Tylenol and Pamprin which I started taking daily by the dozen.
By the end of my freshman year I was literally scarred and burnt out and I needed anything but to go to school where I would sleep through my classes, take F's, and face everyone who couldn't stand me. The week before Thanksgiving my parents pulled me out and I underwent a year of therapy, treatment, counseling, doctors appointments, and church in an effort for my family to try to bring me back to my life. Needless to say I came back to God. In fact, I fell in love with God. Over those three years of homeschooling I had my parents and one friend who stood by my side. I found a church home, and through a mission trip to the Navajo Nation in 2010, I found a heart burried inside of me for everyone in the world.
I fell in love with sunsets, and sunrises. I fell in love with not just food, but cuisine. I didn't fall in love with any certain person, but every face I see on the street, and the way a smile makes someones face seem lighter. I fell in love with the way people give themselves to what they care about. I fell in love with the way Haitian farmers put their all into their work. I fell in love with the way Tias in the Ecuadorian oprhanages care for the children, and refuse to turn a blind eye to their cries like I have trying to forge a different way through the world than the path of mission work God has laid in my path. I fell in love with my Father.
Latley, I have felt so insignificant. I have been feeling like my future is ten thousand years away and I cannot feel it. I need to feel God the way I know I was made to.
When I went to Ecuador, I wanted to go, get my feet wet, and hate it so I could come back, finish school, and get a life but God threw me in and by the grace and fury of God I swam. I always believed I would sink in whatever I do, and I always have until it came to mission work. I swim. And I carry others in a way that is humble, but nonetheless is amazing and I love that about myself.
I am finishing my Associates Degree this year and I am taking a year off. I will be doing something called a Discipleship Training School.
It is three month lecture on various topics that affect missions and working in that field, and three months on a trip. I have a very dear friend who just finished her lecture phase and will spend her three months in South Africa, and India. Needless to say I am stoked. I cannot wait, and now I just wait. It's not ideal but I've never known God to be ideal. God pulled me to him through me quitting highschool, seeking treatment, mission trips, and loving on the least of these brothers.
In this calling I now live, and in this calling I wish to die (not soon).
Peace to you,
Dorothy.
10.5.14.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Third-World Tips..
So I have been thinking latley about what it's been like to travel the world.
Deciding to move your future to a place you have never been is sort of like parenting: there is no handbook.
I didn't really know how hard physically just going to places like hot Haiti and elevation-sickness Ecuador would be, just being there.
I am sure Rwanda will have it's vast array of challenges for me no doubt; so I had a thought.
Others out there on the internet land, and possibly some people I may know may some day want to somewhat of the same thing.
And I can now say with personal experience; traveling the third world is a completly different situation than the first!
And for those of you who are family and friends who will someday make the much appreciated journey to Africa for my wedding (it could happen!) I thought it would be nice for you guys to have some simple tips that will save you alot of time, energy, money, and pain while you are on your adventure! (:
So here we go!
Dorothy's Third-World Travel Tips:
Tip 1: Bring your cell phone. I know people do it no matter what, and I know some people are like "but it won't work" and a lot of the times, it won't. But most places like guesthouses have wifi, and if you did like I did in Haiti and stay at the house of the person running the mission, they will have some sort of wifi. A lot even the Port-Au-Prince airport had wifi, so it is all of the world. And yes, there is wifi in Rwanda.
Tip 2: Bring at least two pairs of stretchy knee-length shorts. Take it from personal experience: the rest of the world, isn't so comfortable. No A/C, fans that only run while the Haitian "current" is working (which isn't often), and the world is a hot place!! Chafing exists!! I only brought one pair of yoga pants for the night I had to stay in Ft. Lauderdale, and after like two days, I got my little midical scissors, and chopped those babies up to knee-length and wore those under my skirts instead of my typical mid-thigh length shorts. Trust me! You will thank me when you go to countries where you have to wear skirts/dresses.
Tip 3: Bring a battery power fan with EXTRA BATTERIES!!!. I had a trooper fan in Haiti! It was one of those little ones that had the three foam blades and was like my little slice of heaven when I had time to fan myself. I will never forget sitting on the front porch the SECOND DAY of my trip with everyone and my fan ran out of juice of the second set of batteries. I was pretty sure God was calling me home! BRING BATTERIES!!! I cannot stress it enough!!
Tip 4: (This one's for the weenies like me) If you are terrible at swallowing pills, bring Clif Bars. They are so easy because you can take a bite, chew it up, then stick the pill in your mouth and it will go down first try! Plus, they fill you up without bloating and distress. In Haiti, we had to climb a very steep hill to the school every morning, and with food, it felt like you were going to throw up in the mix of humidity, heat, and just flat out discomfort. And I will add one more little tip to this, ALWAYS ET WITH YOUR MALARIA PILLS. Just, please, don't risk it. They really do make you sick.
Tip 5: Bring your own mosquito net. They are always a good thing if you are in a danger area, and even if someone says you don't have to have one, you should use one. Not only have I had them keep out mosquitos, but I've had them keep out spiders, all bugs, rats, lizzards, frogs.. Yeah, they're good!
Tip 6: Just go! Don't look into too many statistics, don't let yourself talk you out of going. I won't say it's not as bad as you think it will be, because fankly, it's usually worse than you thought it would be, but you are always stronger than you think. And who are you there for?! I have never met anyone traveling the third-world just because they need a vacation.
Tip 7: Don't be an elephant. There's a proverb about how an elephant and a rat were friends, and the rat was having a party, and so the elephant goes and dances all night and has so much fun, but in the end, the elephant can't find his friend the rat, because he has squished him. Don't squish the people there. I think to nothing bad or intentional, but we in America tend to assume they is what the world wants to be like. I have met alot of people who would like to come to America to go to school, but I have yet to meet someone who wants to leave their world and come to ours. To most, this isn't real. It's not even a fairy-tale, it's just not a possibility. Go and live life as a Haitian, or a Rwandan, or as someone who is just a citizen of wherever you are. You are gonna stand out like a sort thumb, but it is the best thing you can do for yourself while you are there.
Tip 8: Embrace the culture (and the food). Usually, the food you will eat is amazing!! And it is local, fresh, and made with care because for someone, it is a chance to cook for someone from a different world. And when they tell you what it is, don't freak out. When we were in Ecuador, I was drinking this apple drink and it was really good, then about 3/4 way through it they told me that what it was, was the old women in the amazon would sit around and chew up apples then spit them out, and that was what it was. And it is pretty much always concidered a sigh of disrespect to leave food, or not finish what you are given. So suck it up! We all have had to do it! Don't whine, don't complain, just be a big kid and eat it!
Tip 9: Take lots of pictures! And keep them!!
Tip 10: Have fun. Embrace the trip and help. Whenever you are so tired you think you can't keep going, take a breath and go. Because it will soon end, and you will come back to America and wish you would have done more. I promise, just do everything you can. Take every opportunity, drop every fear.
I encourage you to travel the third-world. It is much more enjoyable than the first!! (:
Peace to you,
Dorothy.
5.27.14
Deciding to move your future to a place you have never been is sort of like parenting: there is no handbook.
I didn't really know how hard physically just going to places like hot Haiti and elevation-sickness Ecuador would be, just being there.
I am sure Rwanda will have it's vast array of challenges for me no doubt; so I had a thought.
Others out there on the internet land, and possibly some people I may know may some day want to somewhat of the same thing.
And I can now say with personal experience; traveling the third world is a completly different situation than the first!
And for those of you who are family and friends who will someday make the much appreciated journey to Africa for my wedding (it could happen!) I thought it would be nice for you guys to have some simple tips that will save you alot of time, energy, money, and pain while you are on your adventure! (:
So here we go!
Dorothy's Third-World Travel Tips:
Tip 1: Bring your cell phone. I know people do it no matter what, and I know some people are like "but it won't work" and a lot of the times, it won't. But most places like guesthouses have wifi, and if you did like I did in Haiti and stay at the house of the person running the mission, they will have some sort of wifi. A lot even the Port-Au-Prince airport had wifi, so it is all of the world. And yes, there is wifi in Rwanda.
Tip 2: Bring at least two pairs of stretchy knee-length shorts. Take it from personal experience: the rest of the world, isn't so comfortable. No A/C, fans that only run while the Haitian "current" is working (which isn't often), and the world is a hot place!! Chafing exists!! I only brought one pair of yoga pants for the night I had to stay in Ft. Lauderdale, and after like two days, I got my little midical scissors, and chopped those babies up to knee-length and wore those under my skirts instead of my typical mid-thigh length shorts. Trust me! You will thank me when you go to countries where you have to wear skirts/dresses.
Tip 3: Bring a battery power fan with EXTRA BATTERIES!!!. I had a trooper fan in Haiti! It was one of those little ones that had the three foam blades and was like my little slice of heaven when I had time to fan myself. I will never forget sitting on the front porch the SECOND DAY of my trip with everyone and my fan ran out of juice of the second set of batteries. I was pretty sure God was calling me home! BRING BATTERIES!!! I cannot stress it enough!!
Tip 4: (This one's for the weenies like me) If you are terrible at swallowing pills, bring Clif Bars. They are so easy because you can take a bite, chew it up, then stick the pill in your mouth and it will go down first try! Plus, they fill you up without bloating and distress. In Haiti, we had to climb a very steep hill to the school every morning, and with food, it felt like you were going to throw up in the mix of humidity, heat, and just flat out discomfort. And I will add one more little tip to this, ALWAYS ET WITH YOUR MALARIA PILLS. Just, please, don't risk it. They really do make you sick.
Tip 5: Bring your own mosquito net. They are always a good thing if you are in a danger area, and even if someone says you don't have to have one, you should use one. Not only have I had them keep out mosquitos, but I've had them keep out spiders, all bugs, rats, lizzards, frogs.. Yeah, they're good!
Tip 6: Just go! Don't look into too many statistics, don't let yourself talk you out of going. I won't say it's not as bad as you think it will be, because fankly, it's usually worse than you thought it would be, but you are always stronger than you think. And who are you there for?! I have never met anyone traveling the third-world just because they need a vacation.
Tip 7: Don't be an elephant. There's a proverb about how an elephant and a rat were friends, and the rat was having a party, and so the elephant goes and dances all night and has so much fun, but in the end, the elephant can't find his friend the rat, because he has squished him. Don't squish the people there. I think to nothing bad or intentional, but we in America tend to assume they is what the world wants to be like. I have met alot of people who would like to come to America to go to school, but I have yet to meet someone who wants to leave their world and come to ours. To most, this isn't real. It's not even a fairy-tale, it's just not a possibility. Go and live life as a Haitian, or a Rwandan, or as someone who is just a citizen of wherever you are. You are gonna stand out like a sort thumb, but it is the best thing you can do for yourself while you are there.
Tip 8: Embrace the culture (and the food). Usually, the food you will eat is amazing!! And it is local, fresh, and made with care because for someone, it is a chance to cook for someone from a different world. And when they tell you what it is, don't freak out. When we were in Ecuador, I was drinking this apple drink and it was really good, then about 3/4 way through it they told me that what it was, was the old women in the amazon would sit around and chew up apples then spit them out, and that was what it was. And it is pretty much always concidered a sigh of disrespect to leave food, or not finish what you are given. So suck it up! We all have had to do it! Don't whine, don't complain, just be a big kid and eat it!
Tip 9: Take lots of pictures! And keep them!!
Tip 10: Have fun. Embrace the trip and help. Whenever you are so tired you think you can't keep going, take a breath and go. Because it will soon end, and you will come back to America and wish you would have done more. I promise, just do everything you can. Take every opportunity, drop every fear.
I encourage you to travel the third-world. It is much more enjoyable than the first!! (:
Peace to you,
Dorothy.
5.27.14
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Today, Is Full Circle..
This might suck since I'm posting this from my phone in the middle of a concert at church but I need to post this before I forget it.
This concert is somewhat of a symbolic one for me.
I spent four on and off years in a relationship with a wonderful man of God I still have a hard time leaving. This man gave so much of himself to try to help me recover. He loved me, and showed me how a real man treats a woman. It's so weird to think of him as a man but that's what he is now.
I haven't listened to country music since we broke it off for good in fear of calling him. I miss him every day and I've spent the past few years fighting anger against god because he's calling me to move away from him and calling me alone.
It isn't fair. I know that. God knows that. He knows that.
This concert is a county gospel concert at my church and I have always had a weakness for cowboys. He was the first cowboy to treat me good. He was my best friend for so long..
Going to this concert I was really scared that I would immediately call him and beg for him to come back. But sitting here, I'm reminded of the day i gave my life over to Christ.
It was in this same little church in Peralta and at a country gospel concert by a band caled Desert Reign. I went up to the altar, cried, and gave up. It didn't stop my constant partying, drinking, smoking, or promiscuity; but it gave me a little glimmer of hope. It confirmed that I still believed in God and in my own 14 year old way, I knew I would eventually turn my life over to him.
I don't know when you turned your life over to Christ. I don't know if you have. One thing I do know, is that it's kind of like a circle. It's come full circle. I've come full circle.
It is worth it, and I really don't know what else to say. (:
Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
3.22.14.
This concert is somewhat of a symbolic one for me.
I spent four on and off years in a relationship with a wonderful man of God I still have a hard time leaving. This man gave so much of himself to try to help me recover. He loved me, and showed me how a real man treats a woman. It's so weird to think of him as a man but that's what he is now.
I haven't listened to country music since we broke it off for good in fear of calling him. I miss him every day and I've spent the past few years fighting anger against god because he's calling me to move away from him and calling me alone.
It isn't fair. I know that. God knows that. He knows that.
This concert is a county gospel concert at my church and I have always had a weakness for cowboys. He was the first cowboy to treat me good. He was my best friend for so long..
Going to this concert I was really scared that I would immediately call him and beg for him to come back. But sitting here, I'm reminded of the day i gave my life over to Christ.
It was in this same little church in Peralta and at a country gospel concert by a band caled Desert Reign. I went up to the altar, cried, and gave up. It didn't stop my constant partying, drinking, smoking, or promiscuity; but it gave me a little glimmer of hope. It confirmed that I still believed in God and in my own 14 year old way, I knew I would eventually turn my life over to him.
I don't know when you turned your life over to Christ. I don't know if you have. One thing I do know, is that it's kind of like a circle. It's come full circle. I've come full circle.
It is worth it, and I really don't know what else to say. (:
Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
3.22.14.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Dear Future Husband..
If you do exist,
Hello.
I don't mean that in a fifteen year old, "no one will ever love me" way,
I mean that in the most literal sense.
How are you? How is Africa? Where are you guys at?
I'm serious, I can't picture my life without Africa. I can't picture my future without it being in Africa.
I really do hope immensely that you guys are there, and that you love it, and you never come back to America (to live).
I hope you're handsome, I know that's shallow, but I mean come on, it's true.
How much do you love me? More importantly, how much do you love God? How much time each day do you spend to just be with him and in his presence? That's the one thing that matters to me more than Africa, or mission work, or anything else. Strip it all away, I don't care. I just want a relationship filled to the brim with God, and joy, and the love of Christ Jesus overflowing from it, to where it has to be shared with others. It's impossible to not share it.
I am having such a hard time being here. I mean, yes in America. But I almost feel ridiculous saying that. There is so much for me to explore.
I just feel stuck.
I feel stuck in my life and in myself.
God, I just want to cut my matted hair out!! It's so annoying! I don't know why I ever thought glued-in hair extensions were a good idea!
I'm almost embarrassed to admit that having those made me feel like it was okay to love myself.
I really don't like looking back to who I was. Make-up, hair extensions, nails, and so mean. I'm ashamed..
I've had times where I was running away from Christ's call for weeks, and in the middle of the night stop running, focus so hard on him, and the next morning have makeup running down my face, fake nails half-way cut off, and hair extensions on the floor.
I should have called this blog "Confessions of a Recovering American Teenager."
I know, funny right? I really don't like the idea of America. You probably know that, and I probably spend forever talking about it but I'm going to again.
I don't understand it. I feel like after going to Ecuador and Haiti and the Navajo Nation, I don't fit into it anymore. I'm out of my original culture, and I am trying to fit into another one, the problem is that I'm still here in America while I attend college.
I went on my Emmaus walk, and it really made me realize how far God will go to "woo" me. We had so much agape love, and this fantastic meal, and a candlelight ceremony and one big thing I realized is that I deserve to love the relationship I am in.
I want someone who wants me, not because I have a pretty smile, and I am funny, but for the bigger things.
For the fact that I want to spend my life in service to others.
For my love of Africa and children.
And someone who shares that love of Africa.
I hope you love Africa, and when I leave, you still will.
I don't want you to love Africa for me, but for the fact that God has placed Africa in your heart the same way he has mine. I believe it.
I believe you're real, and you are who God wants me to walk with and worship him in new ways together. I have a lot I could say to you.
Sometimes, I think it would be nice if this could be easy. We could meet now, and settle down here, because that is very convenient, but I don't want that. I was the difficult. I want to have a love as big as Africa, and I want to fight for you every minute.
I hope you are as happy with me as I am with you, and I hope you don't want to kill me in my sleep. (:
Have fun living YOUR and OUR dreams in Africa!(:
Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
3.18.14.
Hello.
I don't mean that in a fifteen year old, "no one will ever love me" way,
I mean that in the most literal sense.
How are you? How is Africa? Where are you guys at?
I'm serious, I can't picture my life without Africa. I can't picture my future without it being in Africa.
I really do hope immensely that you guys are there, and that you love it, and you never come back to America (to live).
I hope you're handsome, I know that's shallow, but I mean come on, it's true.
How much do you love me? More importantly, how much do you love God? How much time each day do you spend to just be with him and in his presence? That's the one thing that matters to me more than Africa, or mission work, or anything else. Strip it all away, I don't care. I just want a relationship filled to the brim with God, and joy, and the love of Christ Jesus overflowing from it, to where it has to be shared with others. It's impossible to not share it.
I am having such a hard time being here. I mean, yes in America. But I almost feel ridiculous saying that. There is so much for me to explore.
I just feel stuck.
I feel stuck in my life and in myself.
God, I just want to cut my matted hair out!! It's so annoying! I don't know why I ever thought glued-in hair extensions were a good idea!
I'm almost embarrassed to admit that having those made me feel like it was okay to love myself.
I really don't like looking back to who I was. Make-up, hair extensions, nails, and so mean. I'm ashamed..
I've had times where I was running away from Christ's call for weeks, and in the middle of the night stop running, focus so hard on him, and the next morning have makeup running down my face, fake nails half-way cut off, and hair extensions on the floor.
I should have called this blog "Confessions of a Recovering American Teenager."
I know, funny right? I really don't like the idea of America. You probably know that, and I probably spend forever talking about it but I'm going to again.
I don't understand it. I feel like after going to Ecuador and Haiti and the Navajo Nation, I don't fit into it anymore. I'm out of my original culture, and I am trying to fit into another one, the problem is that I'm still here in America while I attend college.
I went on my Emmaus walk, and it really made me realize how far God will go to "woo" me. We had so much agape love, and this fantastic meal, and a candlelight ceremony and one big thing I realized is that I deserve to love the relationship I am in.
I want someone who wants me, not because I have a pretty smile, and I am funny, but for the bigger things.
For the fact that I want to spend my life in service to others.
For my love of Africa and children.
And someone who shares that love of Africa.
I hope you love Africa, and when I leave, you still will.
I don't want you to love Africa for me, but for the fact that God has placed Africa in your heart the same way he has mine. I believe it.
I believe you're real, and you are who God wants me to walk with and worship him in new ways together. I have a lot I could say to you.
Sometimes, I think it would be nice if this could be easy. We could meet now, and settle down here, because that is very convenient, but I don't want that. I was the difficult. I want to have a love as big as Africa, and I want to fight for you every minute.
I hope you are as happy with me as I am with you, and I hope you don't want to kill me in my sleep. (:
Have fun living YOUR and OUR dreams in Africa!(:
Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
3.18.14.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Thoughts on the DR Congo..
Everyone knows Dorothy is moving to Rwanda.
But what many don't know, is that there is still another place in my heart, and I am relying on God to decipher in me where he ultimately wants me to be.
The much larger country to the west of Rwanda is the Democratic Republic of Congo, and for about as long as I've been focused on Invisible Children, God, and Rwanda, I have been amazed by the DR Congo as well.
For my multi-cultural education final, we have to prepare a lesson plan for the grade level we will be teaching at, and I decided to make mine about the people I will be teaching, the things I will most likely be teaching, and various things I will experience as a teacher in Rwanda, and while I was looking up educational stats in Rwanda, I decided to start looking into the DR Congo's as well.
DR Congo's educational system is in shambles. Many schools have shut down in fear of rebel armies stealing the children, millions of children live on the streets without even an orphanage to come to, and one thing I found very interesting, there is an epidemic of people accusing children of witchcraft in order to be able to get rid of the children.
Reading all of this, and taking this in, all I could think was, maybe God sent me to Ecuador to see the street children and orphans, and to Haiti, to work with the child slaves, and to see and hear the voodoo, because maybe he knew, and he was preparing me for this call.
I am constantly shocked at the lack of movement in the DR Congo from the international community. I came upon a quote today by a man named Kyle Idleman, which says, "I know that this is a huge issue to tackle, but when you look that kind of desperation in the face, you find out what your faith means to you."
I love Rwanda with a passion that is hotter than fire, but I love the call to the Congo. I am falling in love with pictures, and videos, and stories of the country, it's people, and their lives.
I am not sure where I will end up weather it be Rwanda or DR Congo, all I know is that I am going with my God, and he will never fail.
"God calls us all in some way or another, but for me that call is to "let the little children come to me" (Idleman).
I'm not sure, but it's an optimistic unsure.
Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
3.11.14.
But what many don't know, is that there is still another place in my heart, and I am relying on God to decipher in me where he ultimately wants me to be.
The much larger country to the west of Rwanda is the Democratic Republic of Congo, and for about as long as I've been focused on Invisible Children, God, and Rwanda, I have been amazed by the DR Congo as well.
For my multi-cultural education final, we have to prepare a lesson plan for the grade level we will be teaching at, and I decided to make mine about the people I will be teaching, the things I will most likely be teaching, and various things I will experience as a teacher in Rwanda, and while I was looking up educational stats in Rwanda, I decided to start looking into the DR Congo's as well.
DR Congo's educational system is in shambles. Many schools have shut down in fear of rebel armies stealing the children, millions of children live on the streets without even an orphanage to come to, and one thing I found very interesting, there is an epidemic of people accusing children of witchcraft in order to be able to get rid of the children.
Reading all of this, and taking this in, all I could think was, maybe God sent me to Ecuador to see the street children and orphans, and to Haiti, to work with the child slaves, and to see and hear the voodoo, because maybe he knew, and he was preparing me for this call.
I am constantly shocked at the lack of movement in the DR Congo from the international community. I came upon a quote today by a man named Kyle Idleman, which says, "I know that this is a huge issue to tackle, but when you look that kind of desperation in the face, you find out what your faith means to you."
I love Rwanda with a passion that is hotter than fire, but I love the call to the Congo. I am falling in love with pictures, and videos, and stories of the country, it's people, and their lives.
I am not sure where I will end up weather it be Rwanda or DR Congo, all I know is that I am going with my God, and he will never fail.
"God calls us all in some way or another, but for me that call is to "let the little children come to me" (Idleman).
I'm not sure, but it's an optimistic unsure.
Peace to you tonight,
Dorothy.
3.11.14.
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