While I write this I am listening to a fabulous new song called Budapest by George Ezra. I strongly recomend it for everyone to listen to. It just makes me want to dance and remember all the places I've been so far in my life. (:
Okay, so now that I got my advertizing out of the way, down to the nitty gritty.
I guess the best way to say this is to take you back to Spring semester of my freshman year of high school in about early February. I just got with my first boyfriend, and when I say that I mean my first real boyfriend. We went out on dates, to dinner, and did a lot of things over the course of our twisted relationship that I am not very proud of. Pretty soon he started to be really mean, and everyone who I had become friends with for him started to hate me and he started to tell me not to hang out with my friends, and not to play volleyball, and to die my hair black, and wear more makeup and the strangest thing was that I did.
He introduced me to my worst enemy one day telling me that when I get upset I need to get alone and by cutting myself I would feel better and it was a bad idea to tell anyone how I felt. When I felt fat, he showed me how to make myself throw up. When I couldn't sleep, he would get me pills to make me sleep but I was too stupid to monitor them myself so I could only have Tylenol and Pamprin which I started taking daily by the dozen.
By the end of my freshman year I was literally scarred and burnt out and I needed anything but to go to school where I would sleep through my classes, take F's, and face everyone who couldn't stand me. The week before Thanksgiving my parents pulled me out and I underwent a year of therapy, treatment, counseling, doctors appointments, and church in an effort for my family to try to bring me back to my life. Needless to say I came back to God. In fact, I fell in love with God. Over those three years of homeschooling I had my parents and one friend who stood by my side. I found a church home, and through a mission trip to the Navajo Nation in 2010, I found a heart burried inside of me for everyone in the world.
I fell in love with sunsets, and sunrises. I fell in love with not just food, but cuisine. I didn't fall in love with any certain person, but every face I see on the street, and the way a smile makes someones face seem lighter. I fell in love with the way people give themselves to what they care about. I fell in love with the way Haitian farmers put their all into their work. I fell in love with the way Tias in the Ecuadorian oprhanages care for the children, and refuse to turn a blind eye to their cries like I have trying to forge a different way through the world than the path of mission work God has laid in my path. I fell in love with my Father.
Latley, I have felt so insignificant. I have been feeling like my future is ten thousand years away and I cannot feel it. I need to feel God the way I know I was made to.
When I went to Ecuador, I wanted to go, get my feet wet, and hate it so I could come back, finish school, and get a life but God threw me in and by the grace and fury of God I swam. I always believed I would sink in whatever I do, and I always have until it came to mission work. I swim. And I carry others in a way that is humble, but nonetheless is amazing and I love that about myself.
I am finishing my Associates Degree this year and I am taking a year off. I will be doing something called a Discipleship Training School.
It is three month lecture on various topics that affect missions and working in that field, and three months on a trip. I have a very dear friend who just finished her lecture phase and will spend her three months in South Africa, and India. Needless to say I am stoked. I cannot wait, and now I just wait. It's not ideal but I've never known God to be ideal. God pulled me to him through me quitting highschool, seeking treatment, mission trips, and loving on the least of these brothers.
In this calling I now live, and in this calling I wish to die (not soon).
Peace to you,
Dorothy.
10.5.14.
