I'm Not Sure What This Crap Is..

I have the right to choose Jesus.

I know, Sunday School didn't really work well on my. The little "I choose Jesus" songs didn't do their job I guess. whatever.

I'm 18. I'm starting college, and man, did I used to party.

I loved being the center of attention, and being "that girl", and my only saving grace was that my parents took me out of high school.

And now, I'm starting college, and even before hand, I have slipped, and given into the temptations of being a college student.

I am so sick of it.

And it's like I have the right to choose any religion, and focus I want, except Jesus.

Like, I can worship my left pinky toe, and say it's my God, and it seems like people would respect that more than Jesus. I'm trying.

I don't like the girl I've been. I don't want to go back to being 'American Dorothy'.

I am so sick of giving into the pressure. I am so sick and fu*king tired of wishing that God couldn't see what I am doing, because I am embarrassed.

I miss the Dorothy that was in Haiti, giving herself away.

That's the real me. That's the me I want to be, every day, for the rest of my life.

Ugh. I don't know.

Bye.