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Sunday, July 21, 2013

I Will Not Forget Ecuador..

Soo.. A few days after I got back from Haiti, I got a letter, I had known was going to come, but none-the-less, I had'nt anticipated that day, and it was a letter that I wrote the last day I was in Ecuador.

Denise and Oswaldo had us write a letter of things we wanted to remember about our time in Ecuador, and with the orphans. And so, here is my letter(:

:

5 things I want to remember about Ecuador 2012-2013:

1) Don't forget the stentch of the kids, and how you had to hold your breath when you held them in their arms. And the feeling of knowing lice are crawling on you, and that's what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

2) Don't forget the way Stephen ate ice cream and spilled it all over you and how you felt God through you.

3) Never forget the sadness in their eyes every time you would leave, and knowing that you can no longer pretend they do not exist. They are real. You see them. They exist to you.

4) Knowing that, you know you need to do something about it.

5) Never forget the way you felt when you felt God calling you here, and walking away from the boys home, knowing you are in love with this place, these children, and this culture. Please, don't stop. They need you to come back to help them, They need someone to be for them, and to stay. They need love, they need a chance. They need to know someone loves them and is there for them. Please, don't stop!

Jesus loves them, and you soo.. much!

You can't turn back now! Please.

Keep going.

Go.

Be.

Love.

Will you still?

 

 

He is soo.... proud of you!


God, thank you, for making me remember.
Please, don't ever let me quit.

Peace to you tonight,
7.21.2013.


Saturday, July 20, 2013

Becoming a Haitian Begger..

Soo.. I've been wanting to write something about Haiti, and I just could'nt find the words to say anything. At all.

I just kept going over and over my thoughts and memories, and I could'nt find a particilar story I wanted to tell first. Or just at all.

I think part of the reason it is so hard, because Haiti is somewhere where I could see me living for the rest of my life. It's like my paradise. (I know, probably not most peoples idea of paradise)

So tonight I was praying and said," Alright God, I realllyyy want to be able to tell people just something, anything about what I expierenced, and just if it's your will, give me a song, or a quote, or a picture. Anythinnnnng!!"

And the Father is faithful.

I am such a mess.

I am so small.

I am a sinner in the deepest meaning of the word.

I am a begger.

God led me to a quote by D.T. Niles, that says, "Christianity is simply one begger telling another begger where he found bread."

I have used substances, I have abused substances, I have hurt so many people, I have ruined relationships, and probably messed up parts of alot of peoples lives.

But being at Respire Haiti, holdings 35 kindergardeners, and having kids come running to you, to hold your hand, and dance with you, and just to know you, they did'nt see the old me.

they did'nt see me with makeup, or clean clothes.

I was dirty, sweaty, tired, I did'nt speak their language, I did'nt fit in.

I was dropped from my cushy first world life the the third world reality.

( I hate those terms so much.

It's one world, but anyways, that's another blog, another day.(:  )

But anyways, I am a begger. I may be an American, rich, clue-less girl. But I am a begger.

Holding hands that I did'nt know how long they had to walk, or where they lived, or if they were restaveks, or if they were alone, or if they were loved by someone at "home".

I've always held hands, without holding hands. Yeah, I was that girl in prayer time who did'nt hold your hand back.

Haiti, I just remember holding kids hands walking down the mountain and just squeazing their skinny hands.

It's still hard.

I wanted them to feel my love.

I've never wanted someone to know I loved them that much. It physically hurt me.

It's still hard...

I want them to feel my love. I want them to feel the Fathers love soo.. bad..

I want them to wake up next to loving parents.

I want the little boy with all the whip marks acroos his back to know that he is beautiful.

I was Nikson to know that if I could, I would have stayed.

I want the girls in La Coleen to know that they are worth so much more than they settle for.

Ecuador ruined my "American life."

Ecuador made seeing the greed of every one of us in the states sickening.

But Haiti made me move for that.

Haiti made me open my eyes to, well, Haiti.

Haiti made me believe that I can't go back to 'my old life.'

Haiti hurt me more than I could ever say. But Haiti moved me, more than I could ever imagine.

I hope you find your Haiti. I hope you find a place, that just makes you move.

You can't sit back anymore and just watch. Your heart is breaking with every injustice along with the Fathers.

A place that moves the mountains inside of you, and a place that hangs inside of you, reminding you of the real world.

A place that you are a begger.

But be a begger, telling another begger, about where you found bread.


Peace to you tonight, begger,

7.20.13.


Friday, July 19, 2013

FutureMe.org

Soo.. There's a website called futureme.org, and basically, you can send letter to your future self (I know, didn't see that one coming!). Anyways, it's pretty cool, but what I really love is that there's a section called 'public but anonymous', and basically, no one knows who wrote the letter, but everyone can read it. And I love the letters on here. Of course, there are some really stupid ones, but there are a few that I've really started to love. These are some of my favorites!:

"Letter to me

Dear FutureMe,
By the time you get this you will be 18! i hope you realized high school wasn't so bad and i hope you took time to enjoy it. Please don't ever give up, i know things get tough but remember to always keep your head high :) remember your parents love you and i hope you continue to have the wonderful relationship you have now. remember to stop and enjoy the little things in life from time to time. your a beautiful, person inside and out. i hope you don't ever change for the wrong people or the wrong reasons. i hope you get off your ass and change everything you are unhappy with, within the next two years i believe in you. Remember family comes first! now that your 18 don't go crazy cause you think you have so much freedom! hopefully you will go to college soon don't waste your time there study hard! party just a little ;)"

"A Letter from July 6th, 2011

If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise don't even start. This could mean loosing girlfriends, wives, relationships, and maybe even you mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days at a time. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean desertion. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you could have ever imagined. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no better feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."

Soo.. I don't know. I love this idea, but I love getting to feel like I share a part in their happiness to hear from themselves.(:

Peace to you,
7.19.13